to bad for my sorry soul

Well trying to cope here with all the things I’m feeling right now; don’t know how to deal with this to be frank.

Going to the doc tomorrow. Scared not knowing how to deal with the fear.

Why do things like this happen to me, it’s the story of my life actually.

I’m finding stuff/things/people all the time and I always miss out on them because I am stupid....

Maybe I should not trust my feelings as I have done in the past, or maybe it’s just the right thing for me to do.

To make this even worse I really hurt, both in my body and in my soul...
s**t beep beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeep
Can’t curse in English even if I want to I will not sink to that level.
How come I always have to give in why can’t I get what I want.

Stupid me, you have to be two for that and I'm so all alone in this, even though I have H.
H does not know about this and I hope he never will as it’s actually none of his business, kind of harsh I know but why do I always have to share…

Why can’t I be the one to be happy for a while?
Don’t think that it’s in the cards for me or is it?

I’m not sure that I can write this as I really don’t know if H can get a hold of this but I will try to find out if he knows he sort of saw when I made the blogg but I told him that I was just playing around with this application, and I do have other bloggs as well.

But non like this, this is straight from the heart, no lies, just me.
I’m so afraid to die that I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to leave my son to grow up without his mom.
But I guess that’s in the cards for me, why?

Talk again soon, bye