So right but then again so wrong

Got a bad feeling today, somethings wrong, so very wrong. Can't really say exactly what but there are something, or a lot of things oh so wrong in my life right now, miss the feeling of being alive, to feel wanted and to be important to someone.
Don't know how to change the outcome of the interaction with H. I guess I only have to do the right thing and be honest.
I do not need this in my life right now, I need my son, and that is the most important thing in the world.

I need to feel that someone cares about me, someone that I care about, not just anybody, that I already got.

Am I so hung up on my own reality? I have a hard time to see that there are a lot of people around me that do care. I know they are there but I can't lean on them. I just can not as they can't give or help me with my needs.

I feel so selfish right now, hate that feeling as it hurts a lot be course I know I'm not aloud to feel this way. Its not proper to feel the way I do and its not mutual.

This life is not for me, but I don't know how to change it, I did have some help to deal with it a while back but, I ruined that by being, I guess me and there were some other issues there as well, but I did what I usually do, talk to much and say a lot of misleading things that are (in 9 of 10) times misunderstood.

Miss my friend

What

My lovescope for February 14, 2009
The planetary alignment today encourages you to loosen up when it comes to your close relationships.
If you have been pursuing someone with a certain very determined singleness of purpose, and not really getting anywhere, then it may be best to leave well enough alone, and to try your luck somewhere else.
The only problem is that it may not be all that easy to let go.

Ok NOT!!!!!

Don’t want to do this, don’t like this, don’t know how to deal with this, don’t know....
I hate this, I really don’t know…
stuff like this really makes me so mad..

DON’T LIE TO ME!!!!!

Hate that, really really upset …..
Need time, time to think, to be able to feel the way I do is not human…
Well I guess I’m not in your thought or in your life anymore and that really hurt…
Did already know that but when it hits you it hits you HARD!!!
Got to let go….
Want to, but cannot….need you so bad, need to talk to you, need to ask you something…
but it’s not up to me anymore and I can’t help but to feel so very useless and miserable about that.
Why can you not just email me, tell me to stay away? To get lost, that would be easier than this…
Why the silent… guess silence tells me a lot but is it your choice, or is it something else.