So right but then again so wrong

Got a bad feeling today, somethings wrong, so very wrong. Can't really say exactly what but there are something, or a lot of things oh so wrong in my life right now, miss the feeling of being alive, to feel wanted and to be important to someone.
Don't know how to change the outcome of the interaction with H. I guess I only have to do the right thing and be honest.
I do not need this in my life right now, I need my son, and that is the most important thing in the world.

I need to feel that someone cares about me, someone that I care about, not just anybody, that I already got.

Am I so hung up on my own reality? I have a hard time to see that there are a lot of people around me that do care. I know they are there but I can't lean on them. I just can not as they can't give or help me with my needs.

I feel so selfish right now, hate that feeling as it hurts a lot be course I know I'm not aloud to feel this way. Its not proper to feel the way I do and its not mutual.

This life is not for me, but I don't know how to change it, I did have some help to deal with it a while back but, I ruined that by being, I guess me and there were some other issues there as well, but I did what I usually do, talk to much and say a lot of misleading things that are (in 9 of 10) times misunderstood.

Miss my friend