and why do I feel so ..........

good at the same time I’m hurting really bad...

Talked to my friend yesterday and that was great so say the least..

Can’t understand why, it doesn’t matter, what I get is maybe not enough but very close as is...
I’m making no sense here, cryptic and maybe it’s for me to understand and reflect on but, dear reader (if there are any, lol), not for you.

I started this blog for me, and I am keeping it that way, if you are reading fine it’s up to you.

I'm scared about tomorrow.. Don’t want to go to the doctor, no I guess I do but I don’t want to do this alone, H never even asked if he should go with me...
And if he asks today I am not up for that, I kind of got set on doing this alone anyway now...

Hate being sick and I hate that I feel sick some times.
I didn’t yesterday but today though.

Well that’s life I guess and I really, really would like for it to be different right now, its hard to feel happy and so utterly sad at the same time..

I’m scared of fading away as well.

Feel so messed up, so out of control, but at the same time, I feel that I’m having the time of my life I’m doing exactly what I want and I don’t regret anything I do now..
Even if I have done some stupid things….and I just don’t think that I would… ever… never ever… I did, and I’m actually happy about that.

Strange feelings in a strange world..

Got a friend of my child here today, I wish I could just rap them together and throw them out… what a kid, absolutely nothing but disobedience and naughtiness in that boy..
I feel for his parents… they must have a hard time with him; he even put a fork in his dads hand AT MCDONALDS….ran inside to the kitchen trying to destroy everything…
Its lucky for him that I were not there to see that because if I would have been there I would not take in to consideration that it was not my child….

Somebody give me strength to go past this day …..

Hope I make it tomorrow without being to sad.

See you.